I relate to this post quite a bit, but you probably already knew that.
Part of what I'm going through now isn't just processing the damage done to my connection with the Gods and what the end result of that was, but also worrying that things that I do will come off as things they do... like the playlists as one example. I actually had playlists of songs I connected with my Gods before I ever met these people, and there are songs I have now that I associate with my current Deity relationships. And I've thought about sharing them except I don't want to come off like them, even though I know logically there's a big difference between "here's a few songs that remind me of Blodeuwedd" v. "I WALK ACROSS HOT COALS FOR MY GODDESS, LET ME SHOW YOU IT!" There's things I want to actually write about, from the heart, but I'm in that position of not wanting anyone to get influenced by me and feel that they have to do what I'm doing to Do It Right... not wanting to do damage to them.
So yeah, this is the fallout. Not fun. But if it makes you feel better at all, I hear ya.
It will be interesting to see what develops with Ares. I think making a shrine for Him somewhere would be good.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-11-22 01:25 am (UTC)Part of what I'm going through now isn't just processing the damage done to my connection with the Gods and what the end result of that was, but also worrying that things that I do will come off as things they do... like the playlists as one example. I actually had playlists of songs I connected with my Gods before I ever met these people, and there are songs I have now that I associate with my current Deity relationships. And I've thought about sharing them except I don't want to come off like them, even though I know logically there's a big difference between "here's a few songs that remind me of Blodeuwedd" v. "I WALK ACROSS HOT COALS FOR MY GODDESS, LET ME SHOW YOU IT!" There's things I want to actually write about, from the heart, but I'm in that position of not wanting anyone to get influenced by me and feel that they have to do what I'm doing to Do It Right... not wanting to do damage to them.
So yeah, this is the fallout. Not fun. But if it makes you feel better at all, I hear ya.
It will be interesting to see what develops with Ares. I think making a shrine for Him somewhere would be good.